She is Poetry & Prozac... (freneticfloetry) wrote,
She is Poetry & Prozac...
freneticfloetry

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Petting my peeves.

As a longtime lover of fic, hetfic in particular, I've come across just about every cliche in the book. I've learned to take quite a bit with a grain of salt, and look the other way when I'm dealing with a great story or a talented writer. That said, there are still a few things that just rip me right out of the best of fics.

(My decision to share them with you may or may not have stemmed from stumbling across fanficrants and laughing for the better part of my lunch hour.)

1} Some scenarios are inevitable. And by some, I mean the old we're rip-roaring drunk and sex suddenly seems like the best idea ever plotline, followed closely by the you may be pregnant (and it may not be mine), but I'm here for you comfort routine. Both prompt liberal eye rolling on my part, but I've seen worse. However, if the intoxicated or impregnated woman in question has spent the last ten minutes praying to the porcelain gods, chances are that foreplay will not be the stuff of romantic fantasy. Also, I'm fairly positive that she'll taste less of strawberries (or vanilla, or cinnamon, or whatever prose-worthy spice you've conjured) than the processed remains of whatever she happened to have for dinner. Just saying.

2} I've read exactly one fic where hunted!sex worked - that is, action while being pursued by a not-yet-neutralized threat. And said fic sure didn't involve Dean Winchester. But if you must do it, if you absolutely must, then for god's sake, at least solve the damn casefile. Even if it's just a throwaway. Using an elaborate big bad plot device just to set up the smut is lazy storytelling, and even the hottest sex will not distract me from the niggling thought that whatever demon you've created is still lurking and hungry while your hero and heroine bask in the afterglow, locked in a broom closet as you fade to black.

3} While I appreciate thorough exposition as much as the next person, there's really no need to introduce each character in your fic by full name and nature, followed by a brief look at their history with the protagonist. Really. If I don't know by now that Lana is the love of Clark's life or that Simon smuggled River onboard Serenity to escape the hands of blue, I should be catching up on the shows instead of reading your take. It's okay to assume that certain truths are known, and that your audience is familiar with all the major players. I swear.

Feel free to add your own, be it het, slash, or gen.

---

SPN fans... I'm not sure how I did not realize this until now, but is it uproariously funny to anyone else that Dean stabbed himself with a butter knife? Honestly, that's the final straw for me when it comes to The Life That Never Was - instead of freaking out and making with the intervention, our Sammy would've snorted, raised an eyebrow, and asked his brother what, exactly, he was trying to accomplish with one-fourth of a garden variety place setting.

It's Top Five ATM week at my favorite music com, so I thought I'd share here as well.

Floetry :: Now You're Gone
Who would steal you, I still feel you, now you're gone
These are lies, it's not real, this is more than I can feel, this is wrong...


Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk :: Paperweight
Play me a song, your newest one, please leave your taste on my tongue
Paperweight on my back, cover me like a blanket...


Lizz Wright :: Hit the Ground
See your eyes in mine, leave the rest behind
Hit the ground babe, 'cause I want to love you now...


Patty Griffin :: Up to the Mountain (MLK Song)
Sometimes I lay down, no more can I do
But then I go again, because you asked me to...


Ray LaMontagne :: Shelter
All of this around us will fall over, I'll tell you what we're gonna do
You will shelter me, my love, and I, I will shelter you...


Also... how was no one yet pointed out that young Paolo Nutini sounds eerily (nay, freakishly) like Gavin DeGraw in need of a Ricola?
Tags: dime in the jukebox, does courtney have to choke a bitch?, drive-by posting, fic, random ranting
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